


Hold Me Down or I'll Fly to Pieces

by JinxedAmbitions



Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, unfair punishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:46:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3454418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedAmbitions/pseuds/JinxedAmbitions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Cougar pressed him into the mattress after a disastrous mission, Jake had been chomping at the bit. It had been rough, and it had left him feeling raw in more ways than one. However afterward, Jensen's mind had quieted.</p><p>Jensen and Cougar's relationship doesn't make sense to everyone, but sometimes it's the only thing that sees them through their darkest times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me Down or I'll Fly to Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Additional warnings in the end note.
> 
> Also, this fic isn't nearly as sad or damaging as the tags might imply. For the most part this fic is sex and sweetness.

The first time Cougar pressed him into the mattress after a disastrous mission, Jake had been chomping at the bit. It had been rough, and it had left him feeling raw in more ways than one. However afterward, Jensen's mind had quieted. That little bit of punishment had helped the guilt. It wasn't that Cougar had forced him. It hadn't even been Cougar that initiated it, but it had been Cougar in charge. Afterward, it had been Cougar that rubbed his sore back and filled his pounding head with softly spoken Spanish.

\---

The second time had been rough and rushed enough to leave Jensen limping more than his pulled hamstring already had him limping. No one noticed the difference, but Cougar did. He got that cocky little smirk he often wore when Jake hobbled into the kitchen. Jake gave him a dirty look because his pride was definitely dinged. Cougar pressed him down onto his bed later that day and massaged the soreness out of Jake's ass and leg. Jake had wanted to protest because he didn't need someone to take care of him, but he ended up curled up with his head in Cougar's lap, contentedly napping the afternoon away.

The third time was hushed, deep in the jungle against a tree while Cougar was supposed to be on watch. Jake hadn't been able to sleep even after being up for almost forty hours. He couldn't get his hands to stop shaking from yet another close call. He couldn't get his mind to stop racing with scenarios of how things could have easily gone down.

Cougar had given him a stern look when Jake stumbled to where he'd made his little camp. Then he saw the way Jake was barely holding it together. Jake hadn't even asked. He'd fumbled with his belt and had his BDUs down around his thighs before he even got to where Cougar was crouched.

Cougar rose to meet him, and wrapped his arms around Jake's hips. He guided him to the thick tree he'd been resting against, and Jake instinctively spread his legs as far as his pants would allow. Jake pushed back against Cougar's hand as he ran it over his ass, but Cougar gripped it hard to stop his struggling.

“I don't have anything,” he told Jake. He did, but it was buried in his pack over in the main camp they'd set up where everyone else was sleeping. It might as well have been on the other side of a battlefield.

Jake whined, and Cougar reached up to cover his mouth with his hand. Clay was very relaxed about many things, but being distracted on watch was enough to make the man furious. Cougar knew he couldn't leave marks either because they were still on mission even if they were just biding their time til extraction.

Cougar pulled Jake's head back, so he could whisper in his ear. “You are desperate for me, aren't you?” Cougar asked so quietly that it was immediately swallowed by the sounds of the jungle. Jake struggled a bit, but Cougar stood between Jake's spread legs and wrapped his other arm around Jake's waist. Jake couldn't go far.

“You shouldn't be bothering me on watch,” Cougar told him, and Jake's shoulders immediately hunched in apology. “What am I going to do with you for disobeying Clay's orders?” Cougar asked, and he received a whimper in reply. “Still begging for it, I see.” Cougar was never one to talk much especially not in bed. He'd whisper something tender or seductive here or there, but he rarely talked his partners through sex, so this was new, but it was what Jake needed since their options were limited.

Cougar shoved his hand roughly into Jake's boxers, letting his fingers comb through the hair there before firmly taking Jake in hand. Jake shuddered and sagged into Cougar, so Cougar pressed him against the tree harder.

Cougar stroked him roughly as he pressed his clothed erection against Jake's ass. He could tell that just being held immobile was turning Jake on, so he kicked Jake's feet just slightly further apart, making it just uncomfortable enough that Jake would be aware of it the entire time. Cougar didn't stop stroking him in the confined space of his boxers.

“Don't fight me. I'm in control. You will come when I say and no sooner,” Cougar told him, running his thumb over the head of Jake's cock. Jake fought his hold a little, but he keened into Cougar's hand as Cougar leaned his weight against Jake's back. “You need to stay silent,” Cougar told him as he removed his hand from Jake's mouth. Jake obeyed, and Cougar pulled the scarf from around his own neck. “Open up,” he ordered.

Jake opened his mouth and let himself be gagged. Cougar's tied the knot firmly at the base of Jake's skull before running his fingers through Jake's hair then down his back. He teased Jake through the light material of his shirt. He waited until Jake was wiggling in his embrace before he put his hand back down Jake's boxers. He cupped Jake's balls, increasing the pressure on them until Jake froze as he realized that it would begin to hurt if Cougar continued.

“Who's in charge?” Cougar asked him, bringing Jake to the brink between pleasure and pain.

Jake bowed his head down. It was the only sign of submission he could perform in this position, and Cougar kissed the back of his neck for it. “Excellent,” he praised as he released Jake's testicles and wrapped his fingers around Jake's cock again.

Cougar rubbed the tension out of Jake's back with his free hand as he stroked Jake. Jake was pressing his head against the tree, trying to control his breathing and his body with it, but Cougar could tell his was close. Too much tension begging to be released for Jake to be anything but teetering on the edge.

Cougar lifted his free hand and stuck his thumb in his mouth for a moment, wetting it liberally. He trailed his fingers down Jake's spine then slipped his hand into the back of Jake's boxers as well. He pressed his thumb to Jake's hole, nothing but an insistent pressure, but Jake tensed from the pleasure. Cougar kissed his neck as he ran his thumb over the sensitive skin and continued to stroke Jake.

“Would you like to know your punishment for distracting me?” he asked, nibbling at Jake's earlobe as he spoke. Jake whimpered against the scarf and closed his eyes tightly, but he nodded. Cougar smiled. He knew Jake was thinking that Cougar was going to pull back and leave him unfulfilled, but Cougar would never be so cruel. Jake was here because he needed release. Denying him would just put him further on edge, and that went against everything Cougar wanted. Not to mention, it could endanger the team.

“Shh,” he soothed, kissing Jake's neck again. “Your punishment will be to come in your drawers like the impatient boy you are,” Cougar told him, and he smiled at the relief mixed with shame in Jake's shudder. “You may come,” he told him, giving Jake a couple firm strokes as he increased the pressure on his ass.

He felt Jake spill over his fist as Jake shook in his arms. Jake was moaning loudly against the gag which thankfully absorbed most of the sound. The forest swallowed the rest. Cougar was ready when Jake's legs gave out on him. The forty plus hours of consciousness catching up with him all at once. Cougar easily took Jake's weight into his arms, removing his hand from Jake's cock and wiping it on his boxers.

Cougar carefully led Jake to the ground. He undid the gag and used the soft scarf to wipe up the sweat covering Jake's forehead and neck. He pulled Jake's pants up for him and arranged Jake between his legs, so Jake could sleep against Cougar's chest while Cougar sat against the tree.

Cougar kissed him and ran his fingers through Jake's hair as Jake laid there, exhausted mentally and physically. Jake lifted his hands to clutch the arm that Cougar had wrapped around his chest. “Thanks,” Jake whispered, looking away humiliated.

Cougar pulled him even closer to his chest and turned Jake's head, so he was facing him. “You are always welcome,” he told him before kissing him softly. He brushed his nose against Jake's cheek when he pulled back, and Jake released a shuddering breath. “You have nothing to be ashamed of with me.”

“Thanks Coug,” Jake sighed, resting his head against Cougar's shoulder and looking up at him in the dark. He didn't have his glasses on, and even in the darkness it made him look more vulnerable. So, Cougar held him just a little tighter and kissed his forehead.

“Sleep, mi sonrisa. I have the watch,” Cougar told him, and Jake fell asleep in his arms quickly.

\---

The forth time was locked in the bathroom of a dive bar close to base. They had to be silently as they went because there were other soldiers in the bar. Jake dug his fingers into Cougar's shoulders as Cougar lifted him onto the edge of the dirty sink and stroked their erections together with wet fingers. It was quick and dirty, and both of them walked out of there with bruises, but it was utterly satisfying. Cougar escorted a very drunk young woman home safely afterward to account for the massive hickey Jake had given him.

\---

It was after the fifth time, while Jake was once again limping around that Clay confronted Cougar. Cougar had been cleaning his guns while Jake happily told him all about his niece's first tee-ball game. He was waving around pictures of the little munchkin swinging at the tee with all she had, then spinning around completely when she didn't connect, then nailing the umpire in the balls because he was standing too close. Jake couldn't have been prouder if she'd hit a home run.

Clay stepped into the room just as Jake was getting ready to play the video for the third time. Even Cougar would admit that it was worth more than one watch. He pointed at Cougar and nodded down the hall.

Jake gave him a confused look as he reassembled his weapon and put it in its holster. Cougar shrugged and followed Clay.

As he stepped into Clay's room, Clay grabbed him by the shirt and shoved him against the wall. “You think you can fuck with one of my men, and I won't notice?” Clay demanded, standing well within Cougar's space as he pinned him to the wall.

Cougar opened his mouth to say something, anything really, but Clay cut him off. “You think you're above the rules? I see the way you smirk when he limps around. You think it's funny to hurt your teammates, Sergeant?” Clay asked, shoving Cougar into the wall until his head banged against it.

“No,” Cougar got out, but Clay started talking again before he could say anything further.

“No? Well it sure looks like you do. If you hurt one of our team, you're hurting all of us, soldier. I'm lending you out. When you come back, you better be prepared for whatever punishment I have planned, and if I ever even think you're bothering Jensen again, I will have your rank and any hope you have at a pension,” Clay warned him. “Am I making myself clear?”

“Yes, sir,” Cougar told him. His mind was with Jake though. Jake shaking and being unable to get himself to calm down. Jake needing some time out of his own mind. Clay wouldn't understand that though, so Cougar held his tongue. Clay liked his women volatile, but that didn't mean he'd understand what Jake needed. Jake needed the opposite of volatile. He needed to know he was safe, that he was in good hands, and that he wouldn't be abandoned when it was over.

“Pack your shit, Cougar. Don't expect to be sharing a room with him when you get back,” Clay told him before giving him one last shove then stepping away.

Cougar rubbed at the back of his head as he returned to the room he shared with Jake. Jake gave him a concerned look as he walked in. Cougar just shook his head when Jake opened his mouth.

“No problem. Just being loaned out,” Cougar told him, finding his words easily around Jake. Jake looked even more concerned. No one liked when any of them got assigned to other teams. Cougar and Jake were the most common to be out on loan, and it had done a number to both of them in the past. So, Jake had every right to be concerned.

Cougar flinched when Jake wrapped him in a tight hug. “Be safe, man. I mean, I may or may not be able to track you anywhere on the globe, but don't make me have to,” Jake told him, refusing to let go even though Cougar wasn't returning the hug. “I love you, man,” Jake whispered, and Cougar felt like he was drowning.

“Love you too.” His words were barely audible even to his own ears, but Jake must have heard it, because he squeezed Cougar harder. “I'll be fine,” Cougar promised as he stepped out of Jake's arms and grabbed his gear.

\---

The mission was long, but it was surprisingly easy. He was gone over two months, but the team he was loaned to sustained no serious injuries, and they had accomplished each of their targets. Honestly, it had felt like a holiday compared to most of the missions that the Losers were assigned.

He'd thought of Jensen everyday while he was away. He wondered whether Jake's niece had improved her tee-ball skills or if she'd been banned for nutting too many umpires. He wondered if Jake had had any nights where he couldn't sleep and was forced to remember his nights with Cougar, since Cougar wasn't there to care for him in person. He wondered if he was even missed, but then he stopped himself because Jake would miss him like he missed wifi connections in the jungle.

When Cougar returned, he remembered what Clay had told him, but he hadn't expected his punishment to be immediate or so severe. It became clear immediately that Clay had not been kidding, and he took the safety and well being of his men very seriously.

Cougar was transported straight from debrief to SERE training. Cougar loathed SERE. He should have been an instructor in it, but his record and skills prevented him from being taken out of the field and put in classes. He'd evaded capture for two straight months after his first team was massacred. He'd made it to the boarder with barely enough ammunition to protect himself from wild animals—never mind enemy combatants—and he'd crossed it even though he could barely walk. He didn't need training in survival, evasion, resistance, or escape. He needed therapy because he'd already proven he was a master at it.

It was a long three weeks of instruction without contact with the rest of his team. He barely slept with the number of nightmares the training brought to the surface, and his appetite wasn't much better than his sleep habits. One of the younger instructors chose to target him as he struggled, unaware that the exercise they were running was based on his own experiences.

Cougar held his tongue, but one of the COs noted Cougar's name and had him removed from the training. He spent the rest of the training in psychiatric evaluation as they tried to determine whether they'd caused a psychotic break by forcing him to relive his experiences. Cougar struggled with himself for days, trying to pull himself together without proper sleep and nourishment, but he was trained enough to say all of the right things during meetings with the psychiatrists and brass.

When they cleared him to go back to his team, Cougar was functioning on autopilot. He staggered into the house but had the sense to straighten up and look human, tipping his hat low. Roque grunted a greeting at him as he stuck his head out of his room. Pooch gave him a hug then told him that he needed to shower, but it was nice to be back to friends and teasing.

Clay came out of his office as Cougar was headed to the room he shared with Jake. He gave Cougar a stern look and pointed him to the end of the hall which had been a storage closet when Cougar left, though a big one. Cougar opened the door to see all of his belongings stuffed into the cramped space. Several boxes were functioning as a nightstand, and his tiny cot took up most of the space. There wasn't a single window. Cougar had stayed in nicer cells than this.

However, Cougar was too exhausted to fight with Clay about it. He was too drained both mentally and physically to care about anything but removing his boots and falling onto his bed which someone had kindly made for him. He knew without having to ask that Jake had done it, and it probably annoyed Clay that Jake would do that for the man “raping” him.

The whole thing was preposterous, but Cougar didn't really know how to explain to Clay that he was unequivocally in love with Jake, and the feeling was quite clearly returned. It was actually returned very loudly the couple times they'd had the house to themselves when they went at it. Still, a part of Cougar was pleased that Clay would go out of his way to protect Jake even if the man needed no one's protection.

“Remember what we talked about, Cougar,” Clay said as Cougar dropped his bag one the meager floor space and collapsed onto the bed.

“Sí,” Cougar mumbled in answer.

“Good. Are you okay, Cougar?” Clay asked, concern leaking into his voice.

“I will be fine after some sleep and food,” Cougar told him, rolling onto his back and tipping his hat over his eyes.

“Good good,” Clay said. “I'll leave you to get some sleep,” Clay said lamely, trying to close the door, but having to shove Cougar's bag away because it was blocking the door. Cougar snorted in amusement as he was plunged into darkness. The closet was actually good for his needs. It was quiet and dark, and he fell asleep quickly.

\---

The sixth time was slow and tender, and it was the best sex of Cougar's life. It left a weight in his chest that made his existing difficulty with words almost impossible to overcome. However, Jake didn't need words to know Cougar or what he was thinking.

Jake slipped into his room the first night he was back in the team's house. Cougar hadn't been able to fight sleep any longer, but the nightmares had come. He'd tossed and turned, unable to escape the memories in all of their violent glory.

It was a gentle hand at the base of his neck that even his cruel mind couldn't twist into something wrong and painful which brought Cougar back to safety and consciousness. His body was too exhausted to come up swinging, and he just rolled until he was facing Jake, bared before him.

Jake climbed onto the cramped bed and laid beside Cougar, pulling him to his chest. Cougar went easily, not having the strength to fight what he wanted.

“God, you were gone so long, and then Clay said you were doing SERE, and I tried so hard to get that order to disappear, but someone really wanted you there. Then Clay said you wanted your own room. Fuck, Coug. I haven't slept in weeks, I was so worried,” Jake whispered desperately, rocking them back and forth.

“Thought about you everyday,” Cougar said, though his voice was rough and cut out on him in the middle.

“What a pair of saps, huh?” Jake asked, though he sounded more like he was crying than laughing. Cougar wrapped his hand around the back of Jake's head and pulled him in to swallow his tears away.

They held each other for a long time, neither initiating something more, but slowly the rock of their bodies became a roll of their hips, and their desperate holds became softer touches. Jake was the one that dragged off both of their boxers with fumbling hands.

“You're going to eat whatever I put in front of you tomorrow. This isn't acceptable,” Jake told him as he ran his fingers over Cougar's exposed ribs. Cougar shuddered at the touch, but he also nodded at Jake's words. He did the same when Jake failed to take care of his own needs.

Jake rolled Cougar onto his stomach as he reached for the cardboard box masquerading as a nightstand. He pulled one of Cougar's bottles of massage oil out of the box, having packed the thing himself. He warmed it in his palm before spreading it over Cougar's back in careful arcs. Cougar relaxed into the touch. He flinched when Jake found one of the aches he developed during training, or he accidentally put pressure on a bruise he couldn't see in the dark, but Cougar didn't stop him. It was the best thing he'd felt since Jake hugged him before he left almost three months earlier.

Cougar even managed a soft chuckle as he recognized Jake using his own moves on him. “What? I learned from the best,” Jake laughed as be used the heel of his hand to work the tension out of Cougar's shoulders.

Eventually, he rolled Cougar onto his back again and straddled his hips. He didn't pay any attention to either of their erections as he poured some more oil onto his hands them started to rub Cougar's chest and arms. Cougar loved the way Jake massaged his arms. His fingers dug deep and the motions were long, and it left Cougar breathless.

Everything Jake did was specifically to keep Cougar present and to distance him from his nightmares. Jake had gotten a lot of practice over the years with ways to combat Cougar's terrors. Touch they'd discovered was the best way. For some reason, Cougar would know Jake's touch under any circumstances. Maybe it was that Jake constantly touched him in little ways, or maybe it was something deeper, but Jake's hands brought Cougar serenity.

Jake kissed him as he carefully massaged Cougar's neck. The kisses weren't demanding, just light reminders that they were together at last.

Jake massaged his calves and his thighs before he slowly took Cougar in his mouth. Cougar tried to push him off. He'd barely had time to get wet in the shower lately never mind clean himself thoroughly. He doubted that there was anything pleasant to say about the state of him right then. Jake didn't seem to care. He ignored him and took him deep, leaving Cougar gasping for breath. Jake was really good at that.

Jake had never given him head before. Their hurried encounters had always been about centering Jake. Cougar derived pleasure from them, but he wasn't the focus and on more than one occasion hadn't even gotten himself off. It was the nights that Cougar would wake up gasping, and Jake would crawl into his bedroll that were about Cougar. Sometimes it was as simple as Jake throwing an arm over Cougar's hip. Other times Jake would whisper to him until he'd calmed enough to fall back to sleep. Even without the touch of flesh, it was always intimate.

They both calmed each others demons, were there when the other couldn't bear the load on their own. Their actions were often different, but one fundamental truth remained. They were safe in each others arms. Safe to be weak. Safe to be needy. Safe to be themselves no matter what. Safe from judgment.

Cougar reached down and laced his fingers through Jake's messy locks as Jake continued to swallow him down. Jake's hair was longer than usual, and Cougar hoped that Jake hadn't been letting himself go in Cougar's absence.

Jake dragged his tongue up the prominent vein of Cougar's cock, and Cougar could feel him smiling as Cougar broke his steady silence with a long groan. They laced their fingers together as Jake kissed Cougar's too sharp hipbones.

Jake crawled up, so they were face to face for a moment, and Cougar wrapped his arms around Jake's hips and pulled their bodies together. “Qué?” Cougar asked, feeling Jake's hesitation.

“So, I was figuring welcome back sex was in order if you're up for that and all. I just...” Jake paused for a moment and pressed their hips together harder. “I just like it better when you stick your fingers in my ass instead of me doing it,” Jake told him, and Cougar snorted. “I mean if you're too tired, I can totally do it my—”

“I like it better too,” Cougar growled softly. Cougar felt Jake shiver against him, and he pulled him in for a kiss.

Jake pressed lube into his hand, and Cougar was thankful that Jake had set up his room because at least one of them knew where things were. Cougar rolled them onto their sides and draped Jake's leg over his hip. Jake wouldn't stop kissing him as slicked up his fingers and teased Jensen gently.

He loved the way that Jake smiled into their kisses when Cougar did something he liked. Jake didn't stop smiling as Cougar rubbed his thumb over his hole for a solid minute. He'd learned fairly quickly that Jake got just as much pleasure out of touch as he did penetration, so Cougar always made sure to touch him plenty. He assumed that was part of the reason Jake preferred him to open him up since Jake was too impatient with himself to enjoy his own touch.

Jake didn't slack off while he let Cougar pleasure him. He continued to explore Cougar's body with nimble fingers. They'd shared beds and sleeping bags for years, but exploration of each others bodies was a relatively new step for them, and they both enjoyed it thoroughly.

Cougar's body had all but forgotten his nightmares by the time he guided his first finger into Jake. Jake wasn't so much a distraction as a safe place where Cougar's nightmares couldn't touch and taint him. Every one of Jake's soft moans filled the spaces where screams and gunshots often echoed in Cougar's mind. He much preferred Jake's pleasure to his own past.

Jake rocked his hips to meet the movements of Cougar's fingers, and Cougar could tell Jake wanted more, so he added another finger. He cupped Jake's face as he stretched him further, and he swallowed up Jake's pleased gasp. Jensen gripped Cougar's arms in strong hands as he let Cougar bring him closer to the edge. They never had the time or took the time to prepare each other slowly before. Jake's need to be dominated often pushed them as fast as they could safely prepare, but tonight was about them both and neither of their needs for release of tension would trump their need for each other.

Jake rolled the condom over Cougar's cock with careful attention. He didn’t give Cougar a chance to ask how he wanted it. Instead, Jake rolled in his arms and faced away from Cougar. Cougar smiled as he lined their bodies up and guided himself into Jake slowly. He wrapped his arm around Jake's chest and pulled him into a strong embrace as he rocked his hips forward. Jake turned his head to capture Cougar's lips and they kissed while rocking together, happy to let their bodies connect without any pressure to rush.

Cougar ran his fingers over Jake's stomach, enjoying the way it made Jake shiver and press back against him. He also enjoyed the little pants Jake made when Cougar nipped and sucked at his neck.

After a while, Jake pulled away and turned around again. Cougar took several more minutes to tease Jake's body and make sure he was lubricated enough before pressing in again. Jake couldn't stop touching Cougar as each slow stroke brought Jake closer to the edge. The position was intimate as they faced each other with their legs tangled. Jake's leg was once again wrapped over Cougar's hip, and he used it to give him leverage to bear down on Cougar's cock.

As Jake scored his nails down Cougar's back, Cougar wrapped slick fingers around Jake's erection and stroked him to the rhythm of their movements. Their pleasure built slowly, but as they rocked together, watching each other in the dim light provided by Cougar's alarm clock, they came closer and closer. Until finally, Cougar's exhaustion won out and his body tipped over the edge. He sighed as his body tensed then went loose as he spilled inside Jake.

Jake followed him over, clenching down on Cougar and kissing him sloppily until they were both boneless and panting for breath. Jake's come stuck to both of their stomachs as they continued to hold each other close, but neither really cared. After all, Jake had hiked out of the rain-forest with dried come in his boxers after one of their interludes, and Cougar wouldn't admit it aloud, but he had too.

Jake sighed, seemingly content to fall asleep intertwined and filthy. Cougar was less inclined to do so after months of being uncomfortable on mission or in training. However, Cougar didn't have the energy to move after almost two hours of sex on top of nightmares. Jake perked up though and reached between them to removed the condom covering Cougar's now soft cock.

“I stuck baby wipes in here somewhere because I'm a genius like that,” Jake told him as he wiggled until he could reach into Cougar's “nightstand.” He came back with a box of wipes which he used to carefully clean them both up. He nipped and kissed at Cougar's belly after cleaning his own come off of it, and Cougar laughed while swatting him away.

Jake even pulled their boxers back on them, only to realize he was wearing Cougar's and visa versa. Cougar laughed and pulled Jake into his arms before Jake could waste time trying to fix his mistake. Cougar fell asleep with Jake nestled in his arms where he belonged, no matter what Clay said.

It couldn't have been more than two hours later that Clay came slamming into the room. Cougar couldn't tell if the sun was up because of the lack of windows, but Clay was dressed, so he assumed it was morning.

Jake had sprawled on his stomach and was draped half over the side of the too small bed. Cougar kept an arm around him to ensure he didn't go anywhere such as the floor, but as soon as Clay barged in Jake went tumbling. He was too disoriented to understand what was happening, and Cougar could see him scrambling for a weapon that wasn't there. Terror clearly visible in his wide eyes.

“What did I tell you?” Clay roared as he grabbed Cougar by the arm, dragging him off the mattress. “You didn't even wait a day before—”

“What the fuck, Clay?” Jake shouted, pushing himself to his feet.

“I trusted you with my men!” Clay shouted, swinging at Cougar. Cougar's body wasn't anywhere near peak condition after the lack of food and good sleep and months of being on alert, so he wasn't fast enough to avoid the blow to the skull. The world tilted then faded away as he crumpled to the ground. The last thing he remembered was Jake screaming as he launched himself at Clay.

\---

Cougar's head pounded as he came around. The first thing he realized was that he was wrapped in someone's arms. He tried to struggle at first, but Jake's voice soothed him.

“No one's going to hurt you. Especially not idiotic COs who jump to conclusions without asking the parties involved to clarify. Oh and don't even try to pretend he had a conversation with you about it, because if it was anything like the one he tried to have with me while you were out, it was a lot of him yelling,” Jake rambled as he ran his long fingers through Cougar's long hair.

“Are you okay?” Cougar asked, worried that he might have been injured in any fight that ensued.

“No I'm not. Physically, sure I'm fine, but I am so far from okay right now. He put you through SERE to punish you for the first healthy relationship either of us has had since we got here. I'm not a fucking damsel in distress, Coug. I don't need Clay fighting my fuckin' battles,” he complained.

“No, you don't. I should have told you...”

“Don't you _dare_ apologize for this,” Jake told him, leaning over to look at Cougar's face. “I broke his nose before Roque could pull me off. Pooch was very impressed. God, I wanted to kill him,” Jake said, wiggling down until he was completely wrapped around Cougar's body. “What he did to you was seriously fucked up,” Jake whispered against his temple.

“What he thought I was doing to you was fucked up as well,” Cougar pointed out, but Jake squeezed him harder.

“You'd never fucking do that, Coug. If I didn't want it, you'd stop. Hell, I'd tell you to stop. Don't you dare think you forced anything on me. Don't you dare let Clay put doubts in your head. He wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it sat in his lap,” Jake urged, arranging himself to look into Cougar's eyes.

“I never doubt you,” Cougar whispered in reply, still too exhausted and hurt to show Jake physically how much he meant it, and therefore forced to rely on words.

“Good. On a brighter note, I don't think Clay will be able to look either of us in the eye for a long time,” Jake chose to change the subject for both of their sake.

“What did you say?” Cougar asked softly, reaching up to touch his tender head.

“He asked how I could enjoy something that made me walk funny, so I asked him if he'd ever fucked a woman so thoroughly that she walked funny. Ain't got nothin' to do with pain, it's just that well fucked feeling that leaves its mark,” Jake said, grinning proudly.

Cougar laughed quietly, kissing Jake's cheek. “What about fraternization?”

“I'm pretty sure that Clay doesn't care what we do, so long as he never has to talk about it again,” Jake said, sounding relieved. “He actually seemed pretty upset about his mix up after I finished yelling. He's an idiot, but his heart's in the right place.”

“Hasn't he said that about you?” Cougar laughed softly.

“Hey now, don't be mean. I just defended your honor while you were taking a Clay induced nap,” Jake replied. Cougar snorted at that.

“I love you,” Cougar told him honestly.

“You have no idea how much I love you, Coug. Like I broke my favorite CO's nose because he hurt you. I also may have fucked with his credit score while you were out...and his dating profile on Match,” Jake said. “That last one is totally justified though because how could he set up a Match profile with a computer genius like me around and expect it not to be fucked with? What I'm saying is I'd risk disciplinary action and reassignment for you because you're that awesome, and I love you lots.”

Cougar shook his head, but he tugged Jake close. “No more hiding in shadows,” Cougar told him softly.

“You sayin' you wanna go steady?” Jake asked, and Cougar rolled his eyes.

“I am saying that I am not ashamed of what we have, and I don't want our team to think we have something shameful between us.”

“You're the best, Cougs. I just want you to know that our wedding colors are going to be yellow and pink,” Jake informed him then began to ramble about weddings and cozy houses in the suburbs.

“Jensen?”  
“Yes, my Mexican love machine. My feral kitty of pleasure. My—”

“Jake, shut up, my head still hurts.”

“Oh yeah, of course. Sorry about that. But pink and yellow, get used to it,” Jake said, kissing Cougar softly on the lips. Cougar just smiled, head aching too much to shake it at Jake's antics.

\---

The seventh time, Jake walked downstairs with a smug look on his face. He dropped a handful of earplugs onto the kitchen table, and made eye contact with each of his teammates as they watched him in confusion. He crooked a finger at Cougar and sauntered back out of the room without saying a word, which should have been a tip off that something was up. Cougar shrugged and followed him to the room they were once again sharing.

Fifteen minutes later, Clay, Roque, and Pooch were diving for the colorful earplugs as Jake began to wail Cougar's praises.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Note: There are mentions of rape in this fic. There is no actual rape in this not even in the past, but it is implied by characters. 
> 
> Note 2: Psychological trauma/torture: it is very brief, but it is being forced to relive past trauma.


End file.
